See something greater

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? (Matthew 6:25)

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Fear

Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears relieved;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believed.

when God calls you to be free from fear (to overcome this natural emotion and have peace), he does not leave the command hanging in the air. He puts pillars under it. Five of them in Isaiah 41:10. That’s the nature of all biblical commands. They come with divine support.

  1. Fear not . . . God is with you.
  2. Fear not . . . God is your God
  3. Fear not . . . God will strengthen you.
  4. Fear not . . . God will help you.
  5. Fear not . . . God will uphold you.

This is the God who is your God — the God with you, by your side, strengthening you, helping you, upholding you. God is over you, by you, inside you, around you, underneath you. Therefore, do not fear.

I call you today to stop defining and limiting your future in terms of your past and start defining it in terms of your God.

I call you to recognize that God is greater than your personality. God is greater than your past experiences of timidity. God is greater than your “family of origin.” And God calls you to joyful fearlessness.

The drift

imagePlease say this isn’t true! Nooooo you are not yet leaving us… It’s too soon. i will still have to call you this week and ask when are you going to take me out for a coffee.

I will still have to ask you questions should I or should I not…

i still have to tell you what confuses me..and why I am scared to break it up with her..

There are still a lot of things that I want to ask from you… My head is so clouded so as my heart.. But now, you leaving us too soon, made our world so dark..

i hate you for doing this! I hate you for forgetting that your pain can be shared with us… You don’t have to carry it all alone!!!!!

I HATE YOU FOR THINKING THAT THIS IS THE ONLY OPTION!!!! Why haven’t you thought of us? All you just have to do is just to call us… we will make ways to be there with you…

If you wanna drink.. I can drink with you like forever.. smoke cigarettes endlessly.. go somewhere where you can start fresh and anew.. I can join you.. but all you just need to do is to call my name.. but you didn’t..💔

I wish you are still here..so that

I can still see your smile.. I can still feel your chubby arms that I like to squeeze and bite💔
And have coffee with you.. and talk to you about stuffs endlessly…

I’m hurting… we are all hurting my dear.. we all miss you! It painnnsss so hard!!! Just in case you don’t know..I love you my dear! We all love you!

Now, there you are in the place that we can’t hardly see you.. all we can do is just wish you find that grace and light that you have been longing to see..💔 I’ll see you soon.. 😢

Love’s ain’t enough

Now, I don’t want to lose you
But I don’t want to use you
Just to have somebody by my side.
And I don’t want to hate you,
I don’t want to take you
But I don’t want to be the one to cry.

And that don’t really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
And I keep seeing you walk through that door.

But there’s a danger in loving somebody too much,
And it’s sad when you know it’s your heart you can’t trust.
There’s a reason why people don’t stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you
I don’t want to blame you.
Baby, you don’t have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder
It makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something’s gonna change.

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And there’s no way home
When it’s late at night and you’re all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
There beside you, where I used to lay?

And there’s a danger in loving somebody too much…

When will this road going to end

  

The rain is pouring and it seems that we are heading at the end of the road..

We cannot pretend that everything is ok.. You don’t have to force a smile anymore. The answer is not that complicated.. I know I can handle it… Don’t be afraid that I would be hurt… Coz I’m hurting already..why are you still staying?   Don’t worry about me… I can take care of my heart..this will mend soon. 

Day 1

image

Dear hue,

this is morning I wanted to send you a morning message. Like,did you have your breakfast already? Take care on your way to work..and I wish I would make it to the PhD program... 

Lunch came I wanted to tell you I'm sleepyand wish to meet with the dentist. I found cavities... 

This afternoon I badly wanna tell you that hayyy we found ezzie and diem!!! They were never gone..  they are just trapped.

I have do much to tell you but I couldn't.. I wanted you to feel that I am already gone..I wanted you to leave me already and go on with your life without me.💔

You are not meant to wait for me nor to follow me around... yes, because really you are really meant to be with someone who will give the world to you... someone who will love you just as you love her... 

And,

I can never ever give that to you. Because when it comes to love...I have already given it up long time ago... I stopped believing in it... and tried not to feel it.

I'm sorry because I have to wait for 6 years and waste you time... I loved you.. but it will always be less and you don't deserve it.

Why do u conform

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Dear hue,

You have been in my mind the entire day. The moment I woke up…the time I’m in transit.. the time I arrived the office.. Lunch time… snacks time… when I’m sleepy at work.. when I’m on my way home… when I arrived home… when I’m having my dinner… while I’m drinking my wine… and just about this moment as I’m about to end my day..

I have been meaning to message you!! But I am stopping myself from sending those. I am just waiting for the day that you will be the same old hue who fought her way to win my heart ♡.

But, the old hue will now just be a memory of a past.. maybe sooner what we have will soon be also just a memory.

Why did you adjust to me?
Why did you just accept things and stopped winning my heart..?

And now, I know I just have to let you go.. after all, maybe there would be that someone who will sweep your feet off…that despite the changes… your love will never change.

And sadly, it’s not me.

You’ve changed

Dear hue,

You know what I am waiting for your txt messages. I miss your good morning, take your lunch, where are you now, be safe, take care, how’s your day…

I miss the old you. Did I make you be that person you are today? Why have you changed?

I did tried testing in our relationship how complacency play on us? How strong is your love for me… and how long are you going to show it to me…  I guess I shouldn’t tried it coz I am not liking the answer. 

Us ending up to be one of the cliche couples… in love at first…getting comfortable with each other.. getting bored… complaining about each other.. love fades away…

Ye. Eventually that’s where would I see us… I guess we have already given up on us… and maybe after all we are better of as good friends…

And maybe, I shouldn’t be waiting for your messages nor miss it. And just have to accept that it’s already over… earlier acceptance lesser pain in the future..